Die Harder-er-er... ermm Die Hardist?

I have a funny habit of linking songs to memories very easily, needless of whether they're good or bad memories. Usually songs just remind me of single events, but those events branch off in a multitude of directions in my head. Sometimes this renders whole albums off limits, and without a doubt some songs, however lately some musical memories of mine have been changing, and old music now reminds me of new things. Which is to be honest rather refreshing, I can listen to music I've been scared of for a very long time and its good, very good.

Ok this is starting to sound very ambiguous and littered with links to Lyrics sites, so I'm going to stop, lets just say sometimes old habits die hard, but those same habits can help aswell as hinder.

I was planning on going into Newcastle today, even went so far as to wear my shorts! But the rain stopped me. And I was forced out of sheer boredom to start tidying my room, not before I had the chance to cover my walls with EVEN more posters of course! [1] [2] That second link is to all the gigs and such I've been to and never want to forget, if you're reading this and were at any of those, chances are I'll never forget that day and I'll never forget you.

Unfortunatly half way through tidying my room I got distracted by my NES, the Original Super Mario Bros to be specific, and so there are piles of things on my floor, organised piles, but piles non the less. I'll have to tidy these tomorrow, hopefully before I set out to Newcastle to obtain Star Wars: Republic Commando possibly the only game I've waited to be on the update list for the Xbox 360, so obviously I must buy it as soon as possible! The same could be said of Guitar Hero II for the 360, but not with a price tag upwards of £70 with Downloadable Content added on of course.

So hopefully I should be playing that tomorow just before I go out and have fun drinking with my friends! And I was getting one so well with Gears of War aswell...

Impulse
Old Habits

Writing Letters

The past few weeks have been fairly mixed,
But then again aren't they always!

I had an amazingly random day out to the beach... and the market... and pizza hut... and the cinema... yup all on one day! It really made me appreciate why people feel the need to go outside when its sunny, it really is beautiful. Just sitting there on the grass feeling the wind blow across your face, theres a certain amount of tranquility there, and even though I hate to admit that I learnt anything in English Literature, a certain amount of Romanticism (capital 'R') in the whole thing. My being me of course I HAD to have my music on, Madina Lake to be precise... What else when I'm in my contemplative state of mind? (Rhetorical Question btw)

It was also my friends birthday, everyones getting old but me, and as usual we went out to Legends... And as always on birthdays it was really fun! Dancing crazily to the most poppy songs with Steph like I always want to but am always too embarrassed to! We even tried to request Thnks Fr Th Mmrs a record 4 times but it still didn't get played... Maybe it was because the DJ had already seen my dancing to This ain't a scene it's an arms race.

On Saturday I went to a Trivium gig at the City Hall! Unfortunatly that does mean it was seated and a lot of weird things happened during the gig, BBC radio being picked up on the speakers to name just on of them, however it was still an awesome gig! One of the best I've been to in fact, I moshed the hardest and just let myself go, it was definatly the best Trivium gig I'd been to... at least untill next time! I also got to try out the camera on my new phone! Though I have to say I may be lacking in the photography skills section.

Yesturday I went to visit a few friends in Durham aswell, as usual it was... Dramatic. However somehow I find that amusing lately. I don't know whether its because I'm tired or because of something else, but its all become so predictable lately and I can't help but laugh about it. Everything really does seem infinitely more important when you're young, people just need to stop taking things so seriously sometimes. LFDF its just the SSDD.

Anywho this week should be fairly uneventful, I didn't even know I had the week off uni untill one of my friends told me, so I've got nothing planned. I really should get to work on that revision though...

Impulse
Acoustic

Mother Superior

"Our only response was to keep on going and fuck everything. Pile misery upon misery, heap it up on a spoon and dissolve it with a drop of bile, then squirt it into a stinking purulent vein and do it all over again. Keep on going: getting up, going out, robbing, stealing, fucking people over, propelling ourselves with longing towards the day it would all go wrong.

Because no matter how much you stash or how much you steal, you never have enough. No matter how often you go out and rob and fuck people over you always need to get up and do it all again.

Sooner or later, this sort of thing was bound to happen."

Impulse
Spotted

The Heartless has come

Well I've been at work all day again today, but I thought I would let you see the things I write when I can't sleep. Bear in mind both of these were written at about 2am, when I really should have been asleep, they probably don't make any sense or at least they won't make an sense until its 2am and I can't sleep once more, being mostly just a record of re-occuring themes in my thoughts more than anything else.

After re-reading these if probably not best to read them if you get easily upset, (who would have though my diary would come with a warning label) they are definatly part of my darker side, however if you do feel the urge to read them make sure you read both of them.

This ones from 2 nights ago, 2am, 05/04/07:

"I keep getting this distanced feeling, like somehow the world isn't real or I'm not part of it. I keep wondering if thats because I'm actually living a dream and this is me slowly realising that. I really do wish I woke up in one of my dreams and all of this turned out to me one big dream, my whole life the figment of someone else's imagination. Even if I wake up and it turned out I'd (the 'real' me) had been in a comaand things weren't looking so good, hence the sudden turn towards the land of nightmares, Maybe I'm just feeling distant because this is me remembering my whole life as I lie there dying. I'm lying there dying an old man and I'm forced to re-live every horrid moment of my life as it slowly fades away. I'm lying there 3 weeks from now in a hospital bed, the doctors telling my parents its a miracle I'm still alive after taking so much heroin and theres not much more that they can do, and I'm re-living the last few weeks of my life trying to figure out if I could ever have been saved or whether this had always been planned; after all its not suicide if someone else pulls the plug"

This one is from last night, 3am, 06/04/07, and luckily its a little more positive than its pre-decessor:

"I've got that same distanced feeling except this time it isn't scary, everything seems new, shiney almost. I'm like a kid, I just want to look at all the pretty things in my room, look with my hands, pick them up, feel the paper, find out how the toys work.

Then I look over and see my collection of miniature alcohol bottles, sure my attraction to them maybe something childish, but their very being there proves I'm a child no longer.

Theres like two people in my head, the kid in me whos been firmly in place these past 19 years, and the aduly me, the darkness in me trying to uproot that and take hold.

This lack of sleep is not helping me, not at all."


Well at least it more positive when contrasted with the first entry. Darkness seems to be a re-occuring theme in my thoughts lately, not to meantion the 'distanced' feeling I can't even beging to describe. Only time will tell what it means, I just hope it goes away soon, I upset much fewer people when I'm happy... But is that 'me'?

On a MUCH lighter note does any one wish this happened in real-life?



Maybe that will be in my Dream tonight.

Impulse
Gilette

Lets get famous

Well been at work 12 hours today, it went by surprisingly fast, especially considering what happened on the last 12 hour sale.
Something I'll never forget.

I listened to happy songs on the ride home, sogns that reminded me of good times playing Guitar Hero and staying up ALL night even though I had work the next day. But it wasn't untill I got home and heard this song that I really felt like I was at home.



It must be my comfort song

Impulse
3 Days

The things on my mind weigh more than the things on my back

Well I went out to Legends (Rock club in Newcaslte, opposite the Theatre Royal if you're even in the area), and it was the first night I intentionally went out to get drunk. Needless to say that will never happen again... maybe.

I've been having Nightmares lately, well Dreams actually, ones that dig up the past and generally put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. So much so that I've been increasingly scared of sleeping, even going to the lengths of drinking to pro-long my time in the land of the awake.

This new book I've started reading, as always I'm only half way through my previous literary expedition, however seems to be the best thing to keep me up at night. Somehow when ever I read a book I take on some of its characteristics though, like the writing style from 'Diary,' and somehow I've managed to obtain the suspicion of a ghost from 'Heart Shaped Box.' I dunno how, or why, but I keep checking to see if there is a ghost there and for a fleeting moment I do see one, maybe I'm going mad, maybe I'm seeing an actual ghost. More than likely though I'm just wishing it into being to make my life that lil bit more interesting, to give me some sort of distraction to escape to.

Luckily however that distraction has come in the form of Gears of War, yes I know I completed it months ago, last year in fact. But some kids were talking about it on my work expereince and it being the only game I've completed in a very long time I decided to buy it again and try to complete it on a harder difficulty. That was not as easy as I had imagined it to be. I must have been damn lucky on the first play through because it just got a whole lot more difficult, which I suppose is a good thing, the game was far too short and with this added challenge I'm finding myself taking a lot longer to complete each section.

However when I'm not playing that (I should be at Uni) I'm with my awesome friends! Like on Tuesday when I went to Durham to see two people I haven't seen in way too long. Even though we didn't really do that much, and I was dragged around clothes shopping, it was still fun! A picture from that fateful day is available for viewing on my myspace page. It reminded me of all my long lost days at the Green, or down Leazes Park etc. Back when everything was carefree and fun, nothing had consequences, and if it did they didn't matter... not yet anyway. The future was always a long way away and anything was possible. Maybe thats just my childish naivety showing, just made me think how much things have changed since back then, for everyone. We may think we're still kids but nothings ever going to be the same again.

Well tomorrow, or rather later today I might add, I've got 12 hours of work to look forward to, not to meantion the 3 days after that I've got work aswell. I haven't been to Uni all week and yet I'll got to work 4 days in a row, shows where my priorities are eh? Then again I have always been one to live in the present rather than think to the future, I change my mind too much to think about the future.

Impulse
Blood Red